My kid asked me what gaslighting is but I didn’t know how to explain it so I just said it’s not a real thing
If I’m “supposed to” shave my knees then why are they shaped like that ? Exactly
5:00 pm: birds are amazing, I wish I had more time to enjoy nature
5:00 am: I want to murder every living bird
Parenting is cool because:
-it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done
-the stakes are the highest they’ve ever been
-no one can tell you how to do it
-you have to make a million choices every day
-there’s no way to ever know if any of them were correct
-socks just constantly vanish
It’s all fun and games until you accidentally stab a space monk
My kids think they’re way cooler than me like WHATEVER nerds by your age I’d already had my license, sex, and a visit by the FBI.
Idc how bad my relationship is I’m not calling no mf radio station for advice😭
my 10 yr plan is to wait till I’m 9 yrs 11 mos in & then absolutely slay
lil red riding hood: the Internet told me there are two wolves inside of you
granny: *sweating* haha what I don’t even have one haha who reads things on the Internet
The afternoons I spent on my hair.
Franz Kafka, 1912.
During the first confessional I filmed for Is It Cake I said “I didn’t come here to make friends I came here to make cakes” and the producer said “Please never say that again.”
who’s ready for the long weeknd?
Sending in my taxes
how much for the angry fruit?