My grandma got this digital frame that all the family can remotely upload pics. I’m thinking of flooding it with John Wick pictures.
The craziest thing about teaching is how you will straight up meet doppelgangers of previous students. Choking back telling them to get outta here. I taught you already
when someone asks me my body count do they mean like ted bundy or stormy daniels.
The neighbor’s 5yo keeps yelling “are we boyfriend and girlfriend” across the fence at my 5yo, and my kid just came running in the house and slammed the door, so I guess that answers that
peep davidson
Just ordered a second airport beer and now worried about making rent
Just for fun I’m putting these on windshields in parking lots all over the city on Valentines Day…
I just found out that my mechanic doesn’t drive.
“There’s more than one way, to skin a cat.”
Things not to say to a woman, when they ask if you prefer shaved or trimmed.
My wife found out I was cheating when she found the letters I’d been hiding.
She said, she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.
Who does Amazon think I am?
Guy who’s never heard of drugs before: “Take an edible”? Dude, just say you ate some food. Sheesh
This is true.
I want a fast formal restaurant. Food comes out in two minutes, but they won’t serve you unless you’re wearing a suit with tails. I think this could be a little fun while society breaks down