How long after the expiration date can you eat chicken. Is it three days? I guess we’re all going to find out together
shut up and take my money
*bother*
*bother*
*bother*
“WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME FOR NO REASON”
Cop: Tell me again why there’s a guy in your trunk.
Me: I told him he would look good in it.
Me: Remember, don’t bite the hand that feeds you
13yo: Unless you really want some hand!
At one point during our audit on Friday my hot boss called me “babe.” That means for the rest of you that your window of opportunity is closing…
they really do be looking like this
I just bought one share of stock. I’m a finance bro now.
cyclists
Wait, you actually took my advice?! You poor poor thing.
Call me when they release “Barbie vs. Godzilla.”
Me: what did you get into??
8: [frantically trying to wash his red colored hands] nothing. I did nothing.
A hypnotist made me believe I was a bendable metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.
My toxic trait is skipping the cart at the grocery store thinking I only need a couple things and then getting to the checkout with 57 things precariously balanced on various parts of my body.