[ interview ]
cable company: where do you see yourself in five years
me: you mean between 3 and 8 years from now?
cable company: when can you start
me: between monday and july
I don’t know if this is just an Italian thing but I have the complete inability to cook for less than 2,116 people at a time.
I wouldn’t know what to do with a member even if I caught one
*screaming at the smoke alarm*
DOES THIS SEEM HELPFUL TO YOU???
Today I learned you can use disposable
masks to brew espresso.That’s because they’re coughy filters.
I enjoyed JOHN WICK 4 and its over-the-top glee, especially how many stairs he falls down. When you think that’s all the stairs he’s gonna fall down, nope, more stairs
Imagine being The Sun and finding out there is an entire line of glasses devoted to thwarting your vibe
Not sure who needs to hear this, but a group of porcupines is called a prickle.
I throw open the heavy doors to reveal a vast library. You scan the seemingly endless volumes, realizing too late & with gnawing dread that the collection in its entirety is comprised of 1980s-era microwave cookbooks as I close & lock the doors behind me.
The pasta is now
Me:
Mime:
Me: You don’t say!
I’m scared. I just got poked on Facebook.