the stuff you read about yourself once you hit a certain number of followers is crazy. CIA family, makes $10k/ month, was on Reddit, communist, conservative, white supremacist, Jewish, white, gay, straight, etc. all this from being really into pants.
My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”😭
I already know how it will end…
One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
I was an ugly baby.
It’s been downhill since then.
if you think my grammar is bad you should’ve met my grampar.
So it turns out that all my early 20 something co-workers have been speculating behind my back that I was a teen mom, but I can’t even be mad about it because it means they thought I was 28.
Excel is weird because you never know you aren’t that good at it, until you are asked to do something you’ve never heard of
I hate this language when a pastor has an affair.
“He fell”
Bro, what did he trip on? His own unbuckled pants?
A male goth is called a broth.
Rock stars’ children have very strange names.
one thing I really like about competitive horse riding is that horses, more often than not, are assholes. love them! be an asshole! you’re a horse!
What’s green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A billiard table.
Her: come on over
Me: can’t. I’m sitting here pondering the meaning of the universe
Her: but I’m alone
Me: aren’t we all