If you want an honest opinion about your hair, FaceTime your mom, and don’t ask her for it.
Save money on your next colon exam, grammar police do it for free
Big shout out to the three people still trying to do jokes.
receptionists will look u straight in the eye and ask if ur available in 5 months and 18 days
I am so desperate for summer I’m actually looking forward to wasps.
A fun thing about toddlers is that they will pretend to eat tacos but as soon as you make them for dinner they’re ‘gistusting.’
6: daddy can u turn up the cold heat
Me: I…I’m not sure what to do
A level of petty I can get with 🤣
My wife has the flu and asked for help around the house so I bought her a Roomba
Our toilet seat lid broke. My husband is shopping Amazon for a new seat. “We can save 11% by getting a used one!”
Whenever I’m facing a moral dilemma, I think of the advice my father gave me.
“Never leave a paper trail,” he’d say, tapping the glass partition between us for emphasis.
