Today’s affirmation:
I am open to recieving pizza. I deserve a life that is abundant in pizza. I surround myself with people who have pizza. Pizza.
I would never yell at my kids. In public. Without a good reason. More than three times in a row. Per child.
Husband has a fancy satellite alarm that does all kinds of things by itself but today it keeps beeping every hour despite my attempts to make it stop so I’m about to find out if it’s waterproof
He’s heavily invested in crypto so kinda clearly doesn’t know when to let something go
Due to the economy, I am handing out condiment packs I have collected from my delivery orders. 🤷🏻♂️
Decolonizing something is when you remove perfume from it
I hate being an adult … I thought it was just a phase.
“Yeahhhh, that’s the good stuff. Look at that color. Mmmmm, flavor off the charts. You can just serve this raw but I like to add a bit of salt” – guy on The Food Network boiling water
the clam before the storm
The pen is writier than the sword.
You ever released wind at the bank and accidentally deposited loose change?
It’s crazy how you can be shopping in a hardware store and need help but can’t find a single employee to help you, then there are times when you don’t need help and five employees will pop up out of no where asking if you need help.
Every. Single. Time.
ME (a man who was paid to write 3 reviews 20 years ago): Well, you know, speaking as a writer…
Person: so, how are we today?
Me: well, I dunno about you, but I’m fine, thanks