if there is a particular food you would like your children to eat less, just go buy a massive box of it at Costco
funny guys are dangerous they make you laugh and laugh then boom they hit you with a shovel and throw you in a ditch
long distance relationships can work if the 4 of you all truly trust each other.
As per my last nervous breakdown
my sister: snowboards
my brother: skateboards
me: charcuterie boards
{during sex}
him: i’m sorry, did you just say “faster, papa smurf”
Who called it beef chow mein and not moodles?
you shouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow if the mayor is getting arrested
“Church is like prison for me: they can’t keep me out.”
– Midnight, a church friend
that’s not arthritis. It’s early onset rigamortus.
When I was 11 I went to the mall and got a mullet. The MALL! A MULLET!
Then the next day I went again & had the back of it permed. PERMED!
Oh and also I got grounded, and my mom cried, and I may have ruined the Christmas card.
But I looked rad AF.
This is top tier marketing 😂🤣
Some cool things about NYC are that it’s the nation’s largest city, an international cultural and economic hub, and right now there are about 8 people left running it
Untrue. I’ve already gotten gastro at several Sydney pubs.
