Person: so, how are we today?
Me: well, I dunno about you, but I’m fine, thanks
Oura Ring: “Time to stretch your legs a bit?”
I’M IN BACK TO BACK ZOOM MEETINGS LEAVE ME ALONE HEALTH DEVICE!
the reason wordle only does one word per day is so you can spend the rest of your day talking about wordle
Obi-Wan: it’s over, Anakin. i have learned how to stave off a mountain lion attack
Anakin: you underestimate my power
Obi-Wan; *raises arms above his head in order to appear larger, begins to scream*
Has anyone tried cutting the pandemic with a knife to make sure it isn’t actually an illusion cake?
me: can I get a hug?
bartender: *checking cocktail list*
If Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson returned to wrestling to fight Sammy ‘The Scissors’ Nelson would it appear on paper view?
If you’re ever chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, over a little seesaw and through a hoop of fire.
They’re trained for that.
All spots are cat’s spot. This was clearly established in the Supreme Court case of Fits v. Sits.
I don’t know what to do
is it earth
*putting all my eggs in one basket and singing about it” carry yolky
Lost about 3 pounds in the last 10 mins
(shaved my back and shoulders)
Don’t mistake my habit to look down, as modesty.I have a long history of tripping on the most ridiculous things
Every work call, he judges.