Me when the elevator tries to leave without me
The possibility of there being cake will greatly affect my interest and/or possible involvement.
Remember being young and having your whole life in front of you? Now my back hurts most days and I get unreasonably angry when a car engine is too loud.
The reason I don’t use Uber is any one of you could be a driver.
My teen: How do you not know how to play video games?
Also my teen: So all you have to do is press left, right, up, circle, triangle, square all while holding onto the upper left button.
Person: Are you on the conference call?
Me: *watching dancing animals videos* Like, deep in my heart?
*gets filled with hope*
Hope: *has a leak*
i hope my email finds you on fire
I would actually consider watching The Bachelor if one of the girls was a Praying Mantis.
mousepads sound like groovy places for hip mice
Boss: Why were you tardy this morning?
Me: I don’t think we’re supposed to call people that any more.
I have no passwords left in me
not sure why we don’t use this thing more often
Professor: There’s no such thing as stupid questions
Me: *clears throat
Me: *scrunches my face*
13: Your forehead looks like one of those people from Star Trek.
Me: *gasps* HOW DARE YOU!… you know we’re a Star Wars family.