Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen
they’re just heading into the office early to ketchup on some paperwork
She was rare, like a properly pronounced street name from a GPS
I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.
im so bored im gonna join a poly relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out
Every episode of Kitchen Nightmares Gordon Ramsay is like “have a clean restaurant and serve fresh food” and the owners are like “oh shit we never thought of that”
By Kate Hatos
i don’t understand the parking brake in my car, like when does my car need to be “more” parked than it is
Can’t wait for the next debate, I’m so close to deciding who to vote for.
i feel so bad i refunded him
A lil snack before dinner, Don’t knock it til you try it 🤷🏽♀️😭
If all the prison guards agree to count the inmates, it’s a con census consensus.
