Dogs are too pure for this world 🥺🥺
#goldenretriever #dogs
ME: I guess you could say I’m your stolemate now lol
MY KIDNAPPER: Get out!
FYI, let’s grab coffee is code for “how can I end this conversation as quickly as possible without committing to anything.”
judas: hey man want to come out to last supper
jesus: what?
judas: regular supper, we’re having regular supper tonight, are you free
OH. COME. ON.
What idiot called it the bicycle repair shop and not
I forgot my therapist’s name so I just call him Dude
Got fired from my job as a museum guide for telling everyone the statues are all Medusa’s ex-boyfriends.
The paper defeats rock explanation that the paper will wrap around the rock has always been lame. The rock is just as dangerous with paper wrapped around it; it is not defeated.
My husband just said I look like I fell in a bucket of pretty. I’m gonna divorce him so I can marry him again.
he looks great for his age
Cutest fight ever.. 😊
if i’m “mama” and you “just killed a man” i’m sorry but i’m not letting you finish your song we’ve got a body to hide, son