My math teacher thought it would be fun to use food as props to demonstrate math equations.
Sadly, I got sausages.
I can’t think of a wurst problem!
#HatDadJoke #IWroteThisStinker
Oh.
You have a boyfriendBut…
can he do this…( flexes flab )
Was thinking of going to go to the gym and run 9 miles this morning so that I can look gud in college….but then I remembered I have TikTok filters 😉
#nofilter
Million dollar idea: A nightclub for middle aged people with lots of chairs.
me: what’s it even got to be scared of, it’s *wood*
her: I said it’s *petrified* wood
me: I know what the word means plz don’t talk down to me
I guess it’s time to start acting my age. Seriously when I was born, the Dead Sea was just sick.
Them: Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: *bursts into flames*
Me before a guy comes over: I have to clean my entire home. Every room must be immaculate. Even the rooms we are unlikely to occupy need to be spotless
Guy: if I see so much as a speck of dust I will not have sex with this person
My wife called me from her job at the Velcro factory.
She’s stuck at work again.
To whoever stole my antidepressants: I hope ur happy now
starbuck cashier: can i get a name
guy ordering in front of me: it’s Ben
me: ONE WEEK since you looked at me
*a few seconds before a spider jumps on me. ”
“Let’s not fight.”
Date: So what’s your backstory?
Me: Arthritis.
Just saw 2 men with nets, a bag of worms and some rods. Definitely something fishy going on