Welcome to your late 40s. You now have car glasses, office glasses, living room glasses, and bedroom glasses.
her: wanna go upstairs
me: yes
her: do u have protection
me: [nervously] why what’s up there
Parenthood is stepping in something wet in your socks.
Doc gave me new meds & I forgot what he said to do with the old meds so been taking em all and boy o boy what a day.
No one ever seems to break their legs when they drop from a portal in the sky.
was Jim off killing horses or…
Have I done my taxes? No. Have I sent myself an email with the subject line “DO TAXES”? Yes, and that is half the battle.
heavy rain in Los Angeles is a great way to find out that every roof in the city has apparently been purely decorative this entire time
80% of my day is spent saying “dishwasher” after I hear a kid throw dishes into the sink.
Me: oh yeah, obviously I want to keep it casual, too
Also me, a year after it ends: *crying to a David Gray song in my car*
me, last week when it was dark in evenings: what is the point of anything
me a week later now there is light: I am so happy to be alive so I can eat fresh mango
I’ll never tell you, “I told you so.” But I will tell everybody you know that I did.
I don’t listen to my voicemails because it’s none of my business what people say to when I’m not there.