A chia pet tampon so you can have a lil sheep for your troubles.
We’re all controlled by the bots and algorithms. Except you, your thoughts and opinions are completely original. 🙂
My 2yo put her lamp in a different room because it “needs a vacation.”
That fish is too small and that fish is too big but that fish is justtttt right
-Goldilocks on Tinder
My teen changed my name in her phone to “spam risk” and she thought it was hilarious right up until she got kicked off the family plan.
Taking my roomba out back because I suspect it’s been reporting back to Bezos
If you put on country music in my car, I have one question:
How the hell did you break into my car?
My kind of messy bun is cinnamon.
Wife: It’s sweltering in here. We need to get the AC fixed.
Me: Look at this gif, it’ll cool you down.
Wife: I forget, did you want to be buried or cremated?
Said the murderer.
There are 2 kinds of twitter.
I think we can all agree: It feels weird to say “The King of England” about a living person.
Yes, your honor, he was running from me in a threatening manner. I was in fear of my life.
[guy named mark who successfully used his cloning machine] this is remarkable