“Good night, was it?” – Translation: You look like you slept in a hedge.
Farmer: Here, take a gander.
Goose: No! My husband!
Two ill-tempered people return from a fractious trip to the grocery store, driving through an Old Testament downpour, and neither having changed the battery in the garage door opener.
Your prospects for a pleasant day are excellent because they have absorbed all the anger in…
My 12-year-old went to a movie with a boy.
I gave her money for her ticket.
The boy paid.
I did not get my money back.
I learned an important lesson about dating today.
I’ve walked so much today my pigeons are killing me
Does anyone ever finish a jar of Vaseline? I’m still working on the one my great-grandpa passed down to me.
Ssshhh be quiet, I just found another endangered species.
[Spelling bee]
“Your word is DEFLECTION”
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Can YOU use it in a sentence?”
send me a picture of a beloved item in your home
please include your address if the item is expensive and easy to carry
Just grabbed milk, bread and coffee at the store and the cashier told me to have fun…
I don’t think I ever really recovered from that time my pet rock ran away.
Someone forgot to tell my body that calories after midnight don’t count
