S M O L
Your mask is a bit different, but you are one of us now
His arrival was foretold in the ancient murals.
Putting Mr. Bean in charge of the country would be a sweeping intellectual renaissance at this point.
My parents bought my kid Guess Who with a timer because it’s important that she learns stress at 4 years old
4yo: Bam!
Me: Excuse me?!
7yo: He didn’t say dammit!
2yo: Dammit?
Me: 🤦♀️
😎 🍻
My son can’t decide if he wants to be a Psychologist or a Proctologist so I told him to flip a coin: Heads or tails.
I ate a kid’s meal today at McDonald’s.
His mom got really mad.
Monogrammed towels are good for when you know how to spell your last name but sometimes get stumped on the first letter
My daughters steal my hoodies so they don’t have to deal with having a boyfriend in case you’re wondering why I’m concerned for the bloodline.
“Oh you have a hot tub? You never mentioned it” said no one ever.
I quit dating because I’m a germaphobe and also because my husband was getting annoyed
If doctors were truly empathetic they would wear backless gowns too