Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch.
I’ve fallen on some hard Times.
Telling her she looks prettier than a chicken leg in an air fryer is a compliment that will not be taken as it was intended.
I’m going to normalize a new trend.
Unsolicited *CROC* pics
I fold.
Origami Instructor: That’s why we’re here, yes.
Playing dead will not discourage an attacking vulture.
Just made some home made Mac n cheese, so cheesy and buttery that you have to sign a medical waiver before taking a bite.
If you don’t tell me I’m on speakerphone then I’m not responsible for your kids learning new words.
I spend a lot of time trying to prevent the people who know something weird about me from ever meeting and exchanging information.
It’s Thursday the 12th so I put on a hockey mask and sent some passive aggressive emails
Ghosts are always depicted in Victorian garb which is a pretty singular view of death bc people are dying all the time, like how about a ghost from the 2000s like “being dead is NOT awesomesauce, hey what season of Firefly are they on now?”
This is one for those who have seen certain US TV commercials. 😂
Boy meets girl. Girl meets dragon. It’s complicated.
Just know that if I go up to the hand sanitizer machine and it doesn’t dispense anything, I’m still running my hands together. 🙏🏼
i’m gonna make some couscous with garlic and olive oil. that’s right. couscous. the food so nice they named it twice
it was the best of times, it was the cursed of times