if i die wearing my guy fieri fire shirt will i be camouflaged in hell
I’m probably being paranoid, but I’m pretty sure this guy knows I’m following him
It may be an unpopular opinion, so block me if you must, but not all Girl Scout cookies are good. Their “Toast-yay!” should be called “Toast-boo!”
Can people I follow stop disagreeing with each other? I depend on you lot to tell me what to think.
No Barbara I didn’t intend to “ruin” your day by using the last of the printer ink but I will admit that it was a pleasant byproduct
Sometimes I look at my toast and wonder if Jesus is manifesting, or my toaster is channeling Charles Manson.
*shaking head* I can’t tell which news stories are real or are April Fool’s Day pranks. I mean, you could say “Aliens have landed & have demanded to talk to the whales” & I’d just think “So 2022.”
me to my student: go get your mom
my student, not moving: MMMMMAAAAAMMMMAAAAAAA!!!
if i could teach my cat to go downstairs and accept my doordash delivery i would never marry
“Why don’t we have sexy time anymore?”
“Because you call it sexy time.”
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
That bear was just minding its own business. You brought that granola bar into the situation. Should have brought enough to share.
When guys hold up their legs while riding a motorcycle. Like oh r u having soooo much fun. Are you saying weeeeeee
Let’s play a game. You go hide. And I’ll go take a nap.