sorry, eggs benedict are way too fancy for me. bring me some eggs steve
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has tried to open my front door by clicking on a car remote..
One of the moms at school pickup always yells “hi, chicken nugget” to her kid, and that’s a level of parental embarrassment I can only aspire to
This is Walter. You just threw bubbles at him and he cannot fathom where you got the audacity. 12/10
Us watching you attempt to outrun something you tried to pspspspspspsps after we specifically said not to
Not only did I finally find my car keys when I sat down on the couch I also got my first piercing
Relationship- Significant other
Writer- Significant Author
Round Table- Significant Arthur
Corporations- Significant Auditor
Zookeeper- Significant Otter
Me: Waiter, check please!
Waiter: *checks under the table* No monsters, sir.
Me: Thank you.
Setting my phone on do not disturb because I’m about to eat nachos and want zero interruptions.
Bury me with thousands of bottle caps so whoever finds me 2000 years from now really freaks out
the crazy thing about being a woman is regardless of how much you grow and what you achieve, we will never be entirely safe from the sudden urge to get bangs
