[sees man with a dracula tattoo] *whispers to self* vamp stamp
According to the 5-second rule, if you drop your baby, you can eat it–so long as it’s within 5 seconds.
You would think that after 8 years of yelling at her dog, my neighbour would have learned that the dog doesn’t understand English. Try Spanish, you imbecile.
“The guy is pure evil!”
“He’s complex”
“Religious icons and Bibles catch on fire when he walks by!”
“He’s deep!”
“Priests and Pastors drop dead when they look at him!”
“He’s troubled! Stop being negative!”
ouch
I went to nearby motivational speaker session
Was disappointed
There were no speaker
Just humans
Can you believe it
everywhere a sign. ⚠️
I’m like a siren of the sea, except I lure my victims by smelling like garlic bread
Proud to be the guy that got my local park to introduce a “Don’t barbecue the ducks” rule.
if evolution doesn’t exist explain pokémon to me.
Most of my Biology exams were Bio D Gradeable.
I’ll let myself out.
Starting a new band called the Shania Twainsaw Massacre.
Phew. Zero percent juice. That was a close call.
It’s time to play “Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?”
Going to a strangers baby shower 45 minutes away, this baby better make an appearance for all that effort.