best feeling ever is when u dream u accidentally murder someone and try to cover it up but of course the dominos start crashing down and your life is ruined, and u wake up like omg. I’m sooo glad I didn’t kill that guy
I also stopped visiting a friend of mine because he had a snake. The last time I visited him, I asked him where his snake was because it wasn’t in its cage and he told me he didn’t know but it’s somewhere around the house. 😭 I left immediately.
Fact: In the early years, Pan Am never made money under founder Juan Trippe. It was only after he employed his brother, Return Trippe, that the airline became highly profitable.
My dad : My mom :
Disciplined Graceful🤝
Me : Disgrace😭
Apple needs to develop a feature that disables Amazon when it knows you’re drinking.
Hashtag don’t drink and Prime.
IT support is currently working on fixing the problem. Thanks for your patience.
Dumplings,
“It’ll be dead soon. Nature abhors a vacuum.”
-commentsivehadafew
[being stoned to death by a small village] so how do you guys all know each other
I don’t need to wait til fall to tell me my pumpkin is spicy.
“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.”
— Mark Twain
My two-year olds have reached the age where they can remember when I’ve told them that we’ll do something “later” and I don’t want to overstate it but I’m pretty sure this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Me: “When’s your birthday”
Him: “here you go with that zodiac sign stuff”Actually I just wanna check the court websites
