The Tooth Fairy plants all of those teeth as evidence
An ad agency somewhere is about to get fired.
Tracklist for Donda 2
1. I hate Pete Davidson.
2. Did I mention that I hate Pete Davidson.
3. Cancel Pete.
4. I hope Pete Davidson has a really awful day.
5. I still hate Pete Davidson.
6. Kim come back.
7. I really hate someone with the initials P.D
“You wore that before.”
Yes, because I own a washing machine.
The TP factory remains safe, as the would-be theives were flushed out before they could wipe up the inventory.
my son the little archaeologist informed me that he could tell a remote control he found was ancient because it had a button for PS3
The “mommy” to “bro” pipeline is a steep and sudden drop.
imagining a gas station in the 1800s but it’s guys parking their horses as they eat some grain and the guys complain about the price of the grains
ME: I guess in a way I saved YOU.
PARAMEDICS: …
Saw a dog mark every single mailbox in sight but his own. Thought of you.
Once it’s in the oven I don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.
It’s perfectly normal to shave your legs just from the top of your boots to the hem of your dress, right?
Can i have some thoughts and prayers for my sister?
She’s fine she’s just an idiot.
I had to have stupid emergency laser eye surgery today and I never thought my eyes would be the first to betray me but they’ve seen some shit at this point so I guess it makes sense.
Me: I hate Valentine’s Day
Some Random Guy: I hate it too
Me: 😍😍😍