olympic swim laps would get faster if they held swimming during winter olympics
Bill is short for Billiam
Going to start punching people in the face who say fight me. Words mean things, Paul.
Why is it called scissoring instead of clash of clams?
Me: How much more oatmeal can you eat before you become a literary classic?
Donkey: What?
Me: *giggling* Donkey Oaty
The government created this winter storm and then closed the roads so I couldn’t go to lizard king church. I don’t even recognize this country anymore.
My dog doesn’t wear a collar, he wears one of those big gold chains that major league baseball players wear.
please stand back I’m about to make this worse
After a pretty wild late night last night, I was awoken at 8am by my neighbor mowing his lawn.
At first I was going to confront him about it but then I thought, whatever. He can just mow around me.
California can go years without rain. My moving days? Pouring
It was to keep our furry overlords content😉
Stranger: Where did you get peanut butter scented sunscreen?
Me: Sunscreen?
if u put a disguise on a cow then legally the cow is incowgnito
Sorting Hat: WAFFLE HOUSE!!
Me: oh, very funny…