“How do you sleep at night!”
Usually on my side facing the door.
Every night at I say baby do you want to snuggle and watch tiktok
He hands me the remote and goes to bed
And that’s how it’s done
Started a hate list & so far I just have myself & the ladle from Jurassic park
I’ll stick with papa johns 🤣🤣🤣
GOOD LORD WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE oh wait it’s just the tile pattern
Welcome
I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death this little fort I made out of mashed potato with gravy as a moat and the carrots are cannons. Sorry, what were you saying?
Roy Batty: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”
*opens Twitter*
[ten minutes later]
“I take it back. You people would believe anything.”
Eleanor Rigby: Yep so I’m a church janitor
The Beatles: So you must be lonely as shit. Like that’s so sad. Man that sucks so much, for you.
Eleanor Rigby: No actually, idk where you-
The Beatles: I’m going to write a song about this
Robber: [hands teller a note]
Teller: [reads note] You want me to “pretend” to hand over all the money?
R: Yes, and hurry it up!
T: Why?
R: We’d never done this before so we’re doing a dry run to work out the kinks before we rob you tomorrow.
T:
R: How am I doing so far?
why are they building a Whole Foods over here? we’re regular people, we need Quarter Foods
self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings
my lower back watching me try to live my life
How about I get 100% off by already being there