For the record, standing outside my field of vision at the reference desk and silently waving a paper at me with increasing intensity isn’t so much “requesting my assistance” as it is “inventing a new party game.”
Me (young, naive); I hope something good happens
Me (now): I hope whatever bad thing happens is at least funny
Gave my address to a man on Facebook who said he sells & delivers eggs for $4 a dozen if I get murderrred please put this detail in my obituary
In the cyber-farting case, the ex (the alleged farter) is accused of harassment, but all I hear is “her a$$-mint”.
There are spies in chicken coups now. They’re egg plants.
My husband’s just had a meeting about meetings.
Attempted to exercise this morning.
Didn’t work out.
my neighbor is so annoying he keeps texting me things like “my cat is missing” and “i can see my cat in your window” shut the fuck up bill
I highly recommend telling your boss/manager you have ADHD or autism. They will understand completely and won’t immediately take on a tone that you use for a dog that’s known to bite people
I hid some form of a weapon in literally every room of my home when I first moved in and now I have to figure out where the hell I put everything before I move out…
the PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness
I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato
I would not survive a horror movie. I’d be the fool who investigates a strange noise, trips over her own shoelace and lands face first in a bear trap.
Them: You shouldn’t hang around the wrong people..
Me: First of all I am the bad influence
2 students brought hard boiled eggs in their lunches today so it’s time to separate the kids into the haves and have nots