Laundry needs to be put away.
I look at the basket.
The basket looks at me.
Old western shoot our music looms in the background.
a detective agency’s office is filled with cluebicles
[getting murdered]
“Listen, I make a badass grilled cheese if this can wait?”
Always 🥴
I realized if I whisper at Alexa, she whispers back
I wish it worked on everyone
Broom by every window for quick escape.
I’ve updated my will…
“Being of sound mind, I spent it all.”
If you’re having second thoughts….
you’re ahead of most people.
The conversation w customer service has essentially been
“Hey yall said i violated the terms of service but i genuinely dont know what i did”
“You violated the terms of service :)”
“Aight but whatd i do”
“You violated the terms of service :)”
“Elaborate tho??”
*crickets*
Pigeon open mic night.
#Caturday
Small blessings, like when the mirror fogs up and you can’t see yourself when you get out of the shower, naked.
My alarm went off and I pressed the Sneeze button instead of the Snooze button. Gonna be a long nine minutes
Girl, if you’re into rocks, I promise you’ll be