Customer: you don’t want to see me when I’m mean
Me: I don’t want to see you when you’re happy either!
It’s a day for learning unwanted facts.
Same post same
I’m going to clean *the house
*my glasses
i often counter someone’s dream story with my own very, extremely true story about how i sprained my ankle in the 7th grade while sprinting away in absolute fear from a girl who asked me my name
The perfect tattoo doesn’t exi…
Thanks to the rising food prices I’m now on an 80/20 eating plan.
My food intake is 80% ramen and 20% stolen from my neighbor’s DoorDash order.
The Assassin.
It never gets old to hear someone say “Oh no” when I say I’m calling from the health department
*takes you to Starbucks to remember your name..
Tried to shop at the plagiarism store, unfortunately they only take credit.
What idiot named them Minions and not Gru-pies
i’m left-handed but sometimes i like to switch hands and do things with my right hand just to see what it’s like to work like a robot
At a fried chicken place, looks delicious