You don’t need to buy an expensive exercise machine. Just do what I did and get a bean bag chair.
My dog went to the vet for a check up. they said they needed to get a pic for her profile.
I log into the portal to get results and THIS is what came up 😂
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with an air-fryer.
Hey lady I’m no dummy…those are letters not numbers.
-first day of algebra class
When my youngest was 3, he wrote “dad” on the coffee table in Sharpie.
When I asked him who did that, he glanced at me, studied the coffee table, looked me right in the eye and said, “It looks like dad did it.”
I continue to blame my ex-husband for this at least once a year.
Uses power washer to clean food stained Tupperware.
There’s no real way to look tough trying to fight a swarm of bees off of you.
I don’t sit on the floor without a detailed plan on how to get back up
you will never know the true number of layers
Interviewer: I want to ask you a question, and your answer must be quick.
Me: Okay.
Interviewer: 12 + 37 = ?
Me: Quick
fired
I used to work with a guy who was unemployed.
When you didn’t plan your story very well.
help! watched my son get a mullet, and now I can’t stop singing Achy Breaky Heart.
Tonight I yelled, “YOU ARE NOT A ZOMBIE. YOU ARE DOING HOMEWORK,” so everything’s pretty normal here.
I lost my cool when I had to click on a heart three times before it would stick.
I’d probably make a lousy paramedic.