Camp Detective: [struggling to get out of a hammock] I suppose you’re all – ugh – I suppose you’re all wondering – mmmmph! Goddamit – why I called you here toda- no! Don’t help me I CAN DO IT
I remember a short time in my life when I didn’t like hot dogs. 5 is a challenging age.
Am I the only one who was a kid in the 80’s that thought I would have more life challenges dealing with quicksand and lava?
that time I was high af and thought I laid an egg
My brother used, as wrapping paper, the €70 wallpaper that Mum had bought to redecorate rooms. Cannot cope ahahah
First Christmas argument underway.
THE QUEEN IS BEING REBOOTED SOMEONE STOP THEM.
I love you…
…r dog.
When having guests over for lunch, once I’ve prepared the meal is it rude of me to leave?
“Mysterious, cerebral, suspense, drama”
Netflix are you describing a movie or my last boyfriend?
it’s crazy you can’t just go to prison. if you want to get in there, you have to rob a gas station there’s no other way
My ex recently asked me if I wanted to be “Friends with Benefits” which is so psycho like dude I am a woman in her 30s, you can’t ask me something like that….I absolutely do not want new friends.
“The other day” -me referring to the year 2017
I start opening a delivered package before I even get back inside and my wife can let her packages sit unopened on the table for a week. Which one needs therapy?
Who’s this, “Chris Moss,” everyone keeps telling me to marry today? Chris better be short for Christine, or something.