Spa services are relaxing, paying for them is not.
The hot chocolate mustache stays on during sex
When a couple pause their relationship & take a break from each other it’s called an ihatus.
#OnMyPetsChristmasList
More red dots please
I punched my monitor
Now my hand Hz.
killing the conversation in the discord by posting a picture of me eating an eggplant like an apple
Not an. Officer sitting next to me …. Now I can’t drink my… er.. water
Instead of using the same password everywhere, I use multiple variations of the same password where I replace one letter with a special character or number, add extra letters and so on
This is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being logged into by ME……😂😂
Just burnt 2,000 calories…
That’ll be the last time I bake a pizza while I’m asleep!
When I was a kid, I swore I would never grow up to be a grumpy old man and today I got mad at a hat for being orange
me: I’m doing marathon training
friend: that can really help you in the long run
me: I know what it’s for
everyone’s a critic
Men should feel comfortable with weeping openly.
Especially in front of a vending machine where the Reece’s slot is empty
Celebrities, they’re just like us, except they drink wine and insult each other from their private island