The cashier just checked me out.
Not today, today.
Not today.
me as a new nurse trying to help out in a code
If you get the Wordle in 5 while a toddler is screaming at you it counts as getting the Wordle in 1.
i wish jigglypuff was real imagine how well rested you could be all the time
Oh, you’re a parent? Then how many times have you moved a cup back from the edge of the table this week?
How to play chess:
– Look like you’re thinking for a really long time.
– Move one piece.
– Realize it was a bad choice.
– Flip over the table.
Eggnostic is when you don’t know which came first, the chicken or the egg
🤣😂
A work friend’s daughter is getting married and she asked me to help plan a potato bar for the reception. I did it. I’m a potato planner. I can die now. This is the reason I was born.
Family bike ride? Sure, that sounds great! Just give me 2-3 hours to pump up all of these bike tires and we’ll be on our way!
Can. I. Help. You.
When someone asks what my hobbies are and I try to think of something other than “drinking”
I’d take the high road if it weren’t for the debilitating vertigo.