I don’t like changing clocks twice a year. It gets expensive buying new clocks.
You’d think since I
– ordered the pizza
– went to get it
– waited for it
– brought it home
– let my kids split the last piece
– let my kids have all the dessertThey would throw the box away while I walked the dog.
You’d think wrong.
There is a school auction tonight, but I don’t know if I’m ready to buy a whole school
My wife has gifted me a bath bomb that looks suspiciously like a toaster.
teach a man to fish and fish will hate him forever.
My axe boyfriend was a lumberjack.
I’m sorry.
So we’re overreacting today? Alright then …
The first 12-16 hours after waking up are always the most difficult.
My son is ready to be picked up from daycare *
*Best Buy called to let me know my computer is ready
Sorry for getting political on here but a hungry hungry hippo wouldn’t eat marbles. It would eat your head.
ME: You’re making me rock hard.
MEDUSA: You like that, Baby?
ME:
never thought I’d have to tell someone STOP LICKING YOUR RASH but then I had children
Apparently in order for exercise to be effective you have to keep doing it. Seems like a scam to me.
Almost fell down the stairs. Will try again tomorrow.