been a while since anyone declared a thumb war, peace has made us all soft.
Fancy dinner party invitation didn’t explicitly say NOT to wear Spider-Man costume, sheesh, everybody relax FFS
I don’t understand people in the entertainment industry who have affairs with their manager. I feel like all my managers’ texts would just be them telling me it’s not a great market for sex at the moment
when it’s time for me to follow thru with plans I agreed to
Become a minion. Get that bread.
quick how do i lose 15lbs in a month without changing a single thing
My new oil business is a nonprofit but only because I’m not making any money and just buying yachts.
breaking: schrute farms has banned kanye, no beets for him.
The Hello Kitty exorcism kit includes my gullibility for being duped into buying her cute products again.
I’m old enough to remember the days of rolling blackouts. Admittedly, they were mostly caused by single malt, but still.
My wife said something about being interested in swinging, so last night I did a 55 minute PowerPoint presentation on all the info I found online.
Her: how about you just fix the kids swing in the backyard like I asked
The Tooth Fairy plants all of those teeth as evidence
An ad agency somewhere is about to get fired.
Tracklist for Donda 2
1. I hate Pete Davidson.
2. Did I mention that I hate Pete Davidson.
3. Cancel Pete.
4. I hope Pete Davidson has a really awful day.
5. I still hate Pete Davidson.
6. Kim come back.
7. I really hate someone with the initials P.D