“Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.”
“Son, that happens everywhere!”
I think this is my favorite scene in a movie
O Wise One….
Just been on a date with a dentist. It went well and she says she’d like to see me again in six months.
Narcissist: I am God!
Nietzsche: I have some bad news for you.
My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.
When I grow up, I want to be 16
push came to shove, and that’s when he realized that he was in a mosh pit
Oh, you think your kid is cool? My kid just named his new stuffies Ghost and Bones.
🤣😂🤣
When I said I liked it rough.
Saying you make your own luck is a gross oversimplification. No one ever mentions how hard it is to collect enough leprechaun toenails for a decent batch.
i gotta stop wearing clothes that have recently washed up on shore
If you’re looking for a good time, I’m a blast when I’m alone.
“Sorry to bother you at home,” I say, climbing out of your bathtub