Stranger: Twitter is awful.
Me: It really isn’t most people are nice.
Stranger: But there are bad people…
Me: Sure, I just block them.
Stranger: See…there…you can’t do that in RL.
Me: Yes, you can….watch….(walks away from them).
I think if someone said they could read my mind, I’d be like “I am truly sorry!”
Good morning y’all ☀️
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Aether is both a noun and a verb.
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My horoscope said I should kiss you today
[first time hunting]
friend: I’m out of shells do you have any
me: *choking on pistachio* a few
Me: I will never work for my boss again…
She: Why? What did he say to you??
Me: ‘You are Fired’
I have very conflicting feelings about getting murdered because on one hand I’d be dead but on the other hand I’d be making sure female podcasters had content and I love women supporting women
I’m thinking of buying a handful of of those “World’s Greatest —-“ mugs, then sell them at a yard sale, but ask for references.
“Oh, you’re interested in the World’s Greatest Dad mug? Are any of your children with you? I need to ask a couple questions before we can finalize this.
It was Timothy’s second week undercover, and frankly, he was getting absolutely nowhere.
Wife: You call this a gift?
Husband: Well, when that other guy brought you same thing..
Wife: You mean our dog?
tell your crush that you love them before
Pete Davidson will.
Deep, meaningful communication is the key to a successful relationship.
