I’m glad water isn’t explosive, because with the amount of half-empty bottles rolling around in this car any accident would be an extinction-level event.
“Relax,” Arthur thought to himself, “you’re just being paranoid.”
*praying for world peace*
God:
Swedish for common sense.
Hamburger Hinderer.
Inspirational Quote Of The Day..
Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.
*the priest stops mid-sermon, takes off his glasses & rubs his eyes. his voice takes on a tone of resignation*
which one of you keeps prank calling me at three in the morning?
Sometimes I look at my dog and get a little jealous, wondering why nobody ever tells me I’m a good girl when I take a sh*t outside
Age 8: Flinging myself off the swings at high speed onto a concrete floor, bouncing up instantly and laughing before bounding away like a gazelle.
Age 48: Raising my eyebrows in a slightly more robust way than usual and fracturing my skull.
I just finished watching a Tik Tok that stated if you see a Big foot with evil red eyes you should run. I’m sitting here contemplating shouldn’t I be prepared to run from all Big Foots? Discuss.
I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!
No more Geoffreys #GeoffreyBoycott
if I order fries, they are for me
if he orders fries, they are for me
if the next table orders fries and they’re not looking, they are for me
Well, don’t ever let your pc feel that you’re in a hurry cos they’re gonna slow down more 😩