When ITS SNOWING in SoCal you make a tiny snow dude ⛄️
Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.
[painfully braiding my jellyfish] but not having you as a friend would hurt more
He loved it so much he walked himself up.
Can we go skydiving on our first date? I want to hear what you sound like when you think you might die.
-me, flirting
Let me make this abundantly clear
– window makers probably
You can’t hurt me. You’re not a restaurant who ran out of garlic bread
they should invent a hydrating liquor
My daughter is serious about a guy she fell in love with at the zoo. She says he’s a keeper.
My husbands jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day he looked at my calendar and wanted to know who June was.
Me: *stands on one leg*
My flamenco teacher: No.
I always carry a yoga mat with me so I can take a nap right after eating at the Golden Corral.
First they make you step on the scale, and then they announce your weight out loud. It’s like the assistants at the doctor’s office don’t know anything about women.
