I took my toddler on a 2 mile hike so confident it would tire him out, we finally made it back to our car and he asked if we could go one more time.
Scar from the Lion King who is your mechanic and just fixed your car horn: beep repaired!
Do you ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slow at the grocery store?
We have haunted loft which is problem attic.
I’m drawn toward women who are beautiful when they are angry because once we start dating that’s how they’ll look 90% of the time
Your wife is beautiful, is she single?
Me watching someone get cooked by the timeline for an opinion i agree with
Them: Here’s a vague event invitation.
Me: I’m gonna need more info to work out if it’s accessible – food options, how many people going, is it indoors, COVID precautions…
Them: No worries if you can’t make it. [No further info provided].
Me: Thanks. I guess 🫠.
I still have made very little progress towards my life goal of being sawed in half by a magician
Іf you can’t afford therapy try garlic bread.
I never met a cheese I didn’t like.
We DNA tested our dog and it turns out he killed a guy in Toledo in ‘79
Baby rabbits🐰 look like wise old Kung Fu masters.
Good news
