When I laugh on my period
Me at 15: who wouldn’t want immortality, I want to live forever!
Me at 35: oh
I ain’t never seen a alligator so happy to be getting a toothbrush bath 😭
If you come across a bear, never push a slower friend down…even if you feel the friendship has run its course.
I told y’all leave these retail workers alone with the TikTok pranks 😭
dream blunt rotation
angel: whatcha making?
god: *sharpening a fly* bee
😆this is so true
I returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.
I had to explain to my 5yo that he’s not allowed to “kaboom” the baby
No problem, 3 people is my maximum anyway
My daughter wants something “fun and not boring” for dinner tonight and I’m feeling a lot of pressure now
Me [sending a text to my mom meant for my bestie]: can’t, doing hot girl shit
Mom [after 20 min of typing]: Honey, have you prayed about this?
