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The perfect sticker placement doesn’t exi-
I do not want a robot dog. I do want some sort of high-speed Wi-Fi router mobile hotspot installed in my current dog
a haunted house called blood bath & beyond
Me making new accounts to get the free first month subscription:
On the surface: cool as a cucumber…
On the inside: squirrel in traffic…
When my nudes go to the cloud I always hope God is impressed.
Gonna start passive aggressively sending herbal teas. Oh yes, I thought you’d enjoy it it’s for brain fog.
“I really like Eminem.”
” I prefer smarties.”
“No, the rapper.”
“Why would you eat the wrapper?”
#FridayVibes #RubbishJokes
I’ll be the one at the office Christmas party, waiting patiently near the exit, so I can be the second person to leave.
Being the firstborn, I was the science experiment
I want to be the lady in the neighborhood that makes her neighbors slightly nervous…
“Did you see she bought a blowtorch the other day.”
“She told me she was going to paint a mural on the side of her house.”
If I could ask God for one thing, it would probably be power equal to or greater than his own.
King’s men: well don’t just stand there, help us put this egg mf back together again
King’s horses:
My gym shut down but a pizza place opened in its spot so my visits have remained pretty consistent