What do you call a really small strawberry? 🍓
Strawbarely.
#StrawberryDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
Went jogging and on the way back had to call an Uber. Faked an ankle injury and prayed it wasn’t the same driver as the last time.
If you are being chase by a serial killer, you both are running for your life
Your dad’s grandpa is also your grandpa’s dad.
It’s Ash Wednesday so today I had fish for dinner.
OK, I had Goldfish for dinner. That still counts, right?
How much does it cost to keep chickens?
About a buckahhhh week
Imagine if a centipede had to cut its toenails.
They got Raph!
Interviewer: describe yourself
Me: Me? Personally, I’m a personable person
They really need to stop hyping up these storms because I bought a lot of doritos and the power didn’t even go out.
I’ve just realised that Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling are two different people.
It finally happened. I’m at a restaurant and a guy at the next table told the waitress “Fun fact about me: I’m a google reviewer and my reviews have over 2.5 million views”
Where I work customers love that we take credit cards, it doesn’t become complicated until I buy myself tickets to Fiji.
* Guy at board meeting pitching the idea for a Roomba
You ever notice how sometimes you’re too drunk to vacuum ?