If they cancel the Simpsons we will no longer be able to see into the future
Today I’m golfing.
Thoughts and prayers for nearby homeowners.
When everybody knows my name I’ll find a new place…
They say nothing rhymes with orange. I must be pronouncing it wrong.
just poured dr pepper on my face like i didn’t know where my mouth was.
Some of you make me glad your pics aren’t scratch and sniff.
Me: Facebook is trying to silence me!!!
My wife: no I just changed ur password because you kept replying “wow…really??” to all our friends posts
Don’t go chasing rainbows. Set up a rainbow trap, sit back, wait
Hubby: You were grumpy yesterday.
Me: So, you’re grumpy every day.
Hubby: At least I’m consistent.
I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from back to the future looks when something exciting happens.
The best part about putting your cat on a diet is the frequent wake up calls every couple of hours starting around 2am 🙃
Dude is taking me out of town for my birthday this weekend. He won’t tell me where we’re going but he has a shovel and 3 bags of lime in his truck so I’m thinking somewhere outside like maybe hiking.
best thing about tennis is the way the lifeguard shouts the score