I’ve just realised that Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling are two different people.
It finally happened. I’m at a restaurant and a guy at the next table told the waitress “Fun fact about me: I’m a google reviewer and my reviews have over 2.5 million views”
Where I work customers love that we take credit cards, it doesn’t become complicated until I buy myself tickets to Fiji.
* Guy at board meeting pitching the idea for a Roomba
You ever notice how sometimes you’re too drunk to vacuum ?
Animal poetry
The expression “you catch more bees with honey” also could imply that you may get stung by said bees.
I saw you checking me out.
Cashier: Literally my job, sir.
Toh the desire to sin is so great 😜😂😄🤣🤷😜
Just violently swatted an almond with a flip flop if anyone needs a hero
My therapist thinks I should keep coming in for at least one more washer & dryer
Kids be like don’t worry I aimed for the rug so I wouldn’t get your bowl dirty
Has anyone seen my gender reveal balloon?
