They should put cute little messages on viagra pills like they do heart candy’s saying “keep it up.”
Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?
I have to consciously stop myself from ending all my work calls with “love you bye”
Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.
*deep inhale*
YOU TELLIN ME A GAR LICKED THIS BREAD!?!?!?!???!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What’s your favorite song about not being able to touch this?
I wanted to drive around and enjoy the lights, but nooooo that cop insisted I pull over right away.
My coworker Fred got caught with an underaged girl and nobody laughed when I called him “The Fredator”
Instead of the USPS they should have the PSPS where trucks would just drive around and put cats in your mailbox.
It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh during takeout and delivery.
All the stores are selling sexy women’s Santa lingerie because, as it turns out, a lot of dudes, and I mean A LOT, have a thing for Santa Claus.
they told me I could be anything and then they were like “lmao just kidding, you’re going to be a test subject in mankind’s fifteenth experiment to find out if expensive rent and food makes everyone lose their fucking minds”
(trying to convince my friends to hang out at wells fargo and drink the free coffee instead of going to bars to save money) it’s popping at the farg tonight!
What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter
4 calling birds sounds like a nightmare, I don’t want phone calls from 1 bird, much less 4.