[adds another nod to the conversation]
Wife & son backing out in the car,
4yo: “So LONG, suckers!” [slams garage door]
4yo [opens door again]: “Not you Mommy!”
My BFF is on her second child but I’m on my 3rd tapeworm so I win
Pretending not to see the judgemental looks of other shoppers in the meat department as I continue to make all the hams kiss.
Part of me says I should slow down on the drinking. The other part says, “Don’t listen to him, he’s drunk.”
My fear of ascending to the top of shopping malls is escalating.
My neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud, that even I brushed my teeth & went to bed.
*weighs myself in kilograms to own the lbs
*gives Twitter a coloring book & some crayons so it will stop asking me questions*
My son got his soccer ball stuck in our tree so I remedied the situation by getting 3 of my husband’s shoes stuck in the tree instead…
Teamwork makes the dreamwork
Keanu Reeves stuck motionless on a horse forever because every time it starts to move he goes “whoa”.
T-Rex, watching the comet about to crash into the earth: I hope I’m remembered for my colorful and beautiful feathers.
not to be confused with the baby elephant-sized meteor as heavy as 4 corgis!!
My 11 y/o daughter just read a children’s book about the Great Depression and would like the record to reflect that she felt cheated because “there was nothing ‘Great’ about it.”