In addition to the usual teeth cleaning pain, my wonderful dental hygienist heard “Runaway Train” come on and said “oh I haven’t heard the Goo Goo Dolls in years” and it was like 5 excruciating minutes before I could sputter “Soul Asylum”
i thought i was being cool by telling a young barista that her t-shirt had my friend’s band on it, and she said, “oh i really respect the older generation”
tried donating blood as a good citizen and they tasted my hemoglobin and the lady said I must go home and focus on keeping my own self alive 🧍🏽♀️
7yo: Want to know how I got so good at math?
Me: Yes.
7yo: I found out there was a calculator on my watch, and I pretend to read the time in class now.
iPhone 14, iPhone 15 and iPhone 16
Got in the car and my 6yo greeted me with “well, well, well, look who’s here.”
This is the only greeting I’ll be accepting from now on.
Had an Airbus A320 in with some fuselage damage. Benny in maintenance didn’t have the parts, so he had to do a few adjustments and a spot of riveting. The airline will never know.
Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?
That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.
I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me
This is Teddy. He has been on a Himalayan retreat for the past 6 months and requests to be caught up on the state of the world. 14/10 this could take a while Teddy #SeniorPupSaturday
the zen of frog
someone interviewed me once and i said, “remember blogs and forums in the mid-2000s?” and he said “haha, no i was a baby”
