I can’t remember if my best friend’s nana is alive. She was ill, but I can’t remember. Obviously I can’t ask him. I’m in some sort of Schrodinger’s Nana situation.
sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book
‘Yes, sir. He’s barricaded himself in. He’s taken two sausages’
People get upset when you bring a karaoke machine to a funeral.
When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”
I have information that will lead to the arrest of Moo Deng
The algorithm is predicting some tough times ahead for ya boy
When I lived in DC I once overheard a man tell a woman in a bar: “if the 19 people ahead of me all died one day, I’d be the acting Secretary of Agriculture.”
It kinda feels like this rn
i’m actually the nightmare before christmas, don’t talk to me until i’ve had my milk and cookies 😂🤣
You COULD say Twitter is like Group Therapy, however that would imply people are getting better,… and that just doesn’t hold water.
It’s nice that the nations of the world have all agreed that movie tickets should be half price on Tuesdays. Something to build on as we forge a global consciousness
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
Yamahahahahahahahahaha
they could’ve used a picture of a brain or something lmao
