Someone please tell me this is for something other than a baby conference/infant symposium
i trust rabbits implicitly. they wouldn’t let just anybody have ears like that
Her skin was like porcelain. Toiletface, they called her.
In Michelin star restaurants, Sloppy Joes are called Untidy Josephs.
What do you call clean German cabbage?
Shower-kraut.
#CabbageDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
The struggle is real! 🤣 #Cats #CatsofTwittter
everyone: recovering from the holidays is rough, i could sure use a few more bucks
february: no
People my age or older than me or younger than me are the worst.
I’m really sorry you figured out my tweet was directed squarely at you, person I’ve never interacted with or thought about before.
She complained to me that she found her boyfriend’s picture on a dating sight then got mad at me for asking why she was on the site. I should never answer my phone pre coffee.
My problem with the 15 minute city is what are you supposed to do with the rest of the day?
You answer the door and see me calmly standing in front of you covered in a red viscus liquid. You scream before I can ask to borrow more ketchup for our slip’n slide.
It’s so weird, when I was a kid BBC Radio 2 played dated songs for old people – but they must have had a policy change over the years cuz now they seem to play cool, awesome songs for young people like me!
Scientist: The average person spends 6.9 hours a week on Twitter.
Me: You mean a day?
Scientist: What?
Me: What?
