People my age or older than me or younger than me are the worst.
I’m really sorry you figured out my tweet was directed squarely at you, person I’ve never interacted with or thought about before.
She complained to me that she found her boyfriend’s picture on a dating sight then got mad at me for asking why she was on the site. I should never answer my phone pre coffee.
My problem with the 15 minute city is what are you supposed to do with the rest of the day?
You answer the door and see me calmly standing in front of you covered in a red viscus liquid. You scream before I can ask to borrow more ketchup for our slip’n slide.
It’s so weird, when I was a kid BBC Radio 2 played dated songs for old people – but they must have had a policy change over the years cuz now they seem to play cool, awesome songs for young people like me!
Scientist: The average person spends 6.9 hours a week on Twitter.
Me: You mean a day?
Scientist: What?
Me: What?
[interview]
employer: where do you see yourself in 2 years
me: talking down to people & doing as little as possible
employer, taking notes: okay, so…management
My wife and I stood waving to the neighbor for 10 minutes this morning before we realized she was cleaning her windows.
Actually, you don’t need to buy a woman a whole bouquet of kittens. A lot of the time a single long stem kitten is all she really wants.
I can’t be the only one 😂
My friend reckons he’s going to make a fortune flying people about in his invisible aeroplane. I can’t see it taking off.